Anime Celebrity Jeopardy My Version
by Scott Wolf
Summary: My take on a story I read.
1. Anime Celebrity Jeopardy My Version

Anime Celebrity Jeopardy  
  
Author's note: When I first read the story I borrowed the idea for this from, I laughed my ass off. Then I got to thinking, "Maybe I could do that too." Domon Kasshu (his pen name) had himself a funny series there. So I got an idea to see if I could be just as funny. So, to Domon Kasshu, this is my attempt to emulate you. Please don't get to mad.  
  
ZELLOS: Hello! And welcome to Anime Celebrity Jeopardy! I'm your host for tonight, and we have quite an interesting group of contestants here tonight! First, let me introduce our returning contestant, from our very own Gundam universe, Heero Yuy!  
  
HEERO: Where's Xellos?  
  
ZELLOS: He called in sick this morning.  
  
HEERO: So who are you?  
  
ZELLOS: I'm his brother, Zellos.  
  
HEERO: Riiight... (scratches his chin, watching Zellos suspiciously)  
  
ZELLOS: Anyway, our next contestant comes to us from the Tenchi Series, please welcome, Tenchi!  
  
TENCHI: Hello, Zellos. It's a pleasure to be here.  
  
VOICE FROM OFF SCREEN: Yay Tenchi!!  
  
TENCHI: Oh no!  
  
(Camera switches to the viewers seats and focuses on Tenchi's cheering section. Ayeka, Ryoko, Washu, and Mihoshi are there, with Ryoko hanging over the rail, waving at him.)  
  
RYOKO: You'd better win, Tenchi! We need money so we can get married!  
  
AYEKA: (stands and glowers at Ryoko, fists and jaw clenched) Why you little... Tenchi will NOT be marrying you! He will be marrying ME! We're destined to be together!  
  
RYOKO: (is now face to face with Ayeka, her fists and jaw also clenched) What makes you think he wants to marry a little brat like you?? He deserves better!  
  
WASHU: Would you two be quiet?  
  
(Camera cuts back to tenchi, who looks extreemly embarrased, sweatdrop on his forhead Camera back to Zellos)  
  
ZELLOS: Xellos warned me about this... And our last contestant is none other than... Pretz from Final Fantasy?  
  
PRETZ: Hi there!  
  
ZELLOS: Waitaminute! Final Fantasy was a video game, not an anime.  
  
PRETZ: It was so an anime! It came in between Final Fantasy V and VI.  
  
ZELLOS: Guess I missed it... And cheering for you will be..(reads from his card) Lenaly, Rouge, and Valkus... swell.  
  
ROUGE: Hey, Pretz! Kick some butt alright?  
  
LENALY: Do your best, Pritz!  
  
VALKUS: Hehehe! You'll do fine, son!  
  
ZELLOS: Well, at least they seem normal... Now then! On to the categories! And they are... Things That Start With Fan, Gundams, Would It Hurt If.., Places You Would Go For A Drink, and Quotes From Your Series. Mr, Yuy, since you finished the Rubix Cube in less than two weeks, you choose first.  
  
HEERO: Well, at least I don't have anyone cheering for me..  
  
MALE VOICE OFF SCREEN: You can do it, Heero!  
  
HEERO: Kill me now, please.  
  
(Camera focuses on Heero's cheering section. There sits Quatra, Wufei, and Trowa)  
  
QUATRA: I believe in you, Sandrock.. I mean Heero!  
  
WUFEI: The weak don't get to be contestants! You can answer questions, now can't ya??  
  
TROWA: What are we doing here, anyway? Where am I? Who are you?  
  
HEERO: God, this'll either be pure torture or very interesting.  
  
ZELLOS: Um... Heero, you have the board.  
  
HEERO: No I don't. It's not mine. It belongs to the game show.  
  
ZELLOS: Just pick a category.  
  
PRETZ: You can pick you're friends and you can pick your categorys, but you can't pick your category's friend's nose... or.. uh...  
  
ZELLOS: Heero, please pick?  
  
HEERO: Alright. I'll take Quotes From Your Series for $50  
  
ZELLOS: And the answer is... This character said, "I totally Screwed up!" after destroying an OZ shuttle carrying pacsifists.  
  
(Silence)  
  
ZELLOS: Mr. Yuy?  
  
(Silence)  
  
ZELLOS: Don't you know, Heero?  
  
HEERO: Should I?  
  
BZZZT!!  
  
ZELLOS: Mr. Pretz?  
  
PRETZ: Wasn't that one of Rouge's air pirates?  
  
ROUGE: They don't screw up!! I trained them too well!  
  
ZELLOS: Loosly translated, that answer is incorrect. Mr Yuy?  
  
(Silence)  
  
ZELLOS: Mr. Yuy, you MUST know.  
  
HEERO: You're assuming I know.  
  
BZZZT!!  
  
ZELLOS: Yes, Tenchi?  
  
TENCHI: Who is Ms. Washu?  
  
ZELLOS: Also incorrect.  
  
TENCHI: Aww...  
  
WASHU: I'd say something better than that!  
  
ZELLOS: Heero?  
  
HEERO: What?  
  
ZELLOS: Just say it's you.  
  
HEERO: It's you.  
  
ZELLOS Not me! You!  
  
HEERO: You.  
  
ZELLOS: No no no! Just say, It's me.  
  
HEERO: It's you.  
  
ZELLOS: (collapses onto his pedistal) Let's just move on. Tenchi, please select a category.  
  
TENCHI: I'll take Gundams for $50.  
  
ZELLOS: .... ok.. And the answer is, A VISUAL AIDE! (a screen lowers next to Zellos and a picture of Gundam Sandrock Custom appears) This Gundam is Piloted by Quatra Rebabba Winer.  
  
QUATRA: That's WINNER!!  
  
(silence)  
  
ZELLOS: Heero?  
  
HEERO: What?  
  
ZELLOS: Come on, you know this one.  
  
HEERO: I know, but I like making you sweat.  
  
BZZZT!!  
  
PRETZ: That's a Deathguyos!  
  
ZELLOS: ...a what?  
  
PRETZ: (folds his arms in defiance) Well, you should know! You're the host.  
  
ZELLOS: Saddly. That answer is incorrect. Heero?  
  
HEERO: Why do you always think I know.  
  
ZELLOS: Because you should know. It's from your series.  
  
HEERO: If you say so.  
  
BZZZT!!  
  
TENCHI: It's something Mihoshi drives in the Galactic Police Force.  
  
MIHOSHI: Oh, I don't drive. I crash! It's much more fun, but Kyone doesn't think so. What do you think, is it more fun to crash or...(Prattles on and on)  
  
ZELLOS: ... I will kill whoever let these people in.  
  
HEERO: I'm available, if you want to hire me.  
  
ZELLOS: I may do that.  
  
QUATRA: HEERO! It's mine! It's Sandrock!  
  
VALKUS: HEY! No cheating! Pretz should win by default right now!  
  
RYOKO: Oh yeah?? And what about Tenchi??  
  
VALKUS: He get's a consolation prize.  
  
RYOKO: Consolation THIS! (fires an energy ball at Valkus, blowing him thru the roof)  
  
PRETZ: Thank you!!  
  
ZELLOS: Let's just move on again. Pretz, I guess it's your turn (god help us).  
  
PRETZ: I'll take Things That Start With Fan.  
  
ZELLOS: Natch. And the answer is.... This word ends with "tasy."  
  
BZZZT!!  
  
TENCHI: What is... umm....  
  
ZELLOS: No.  
  
TENCHI: Aww..  
  
AYEKA: You didn't let him finish! He was thinking!  
  
ZELLOS: I thought I saw smoke comming from his ears.  
  
HEERO: Good one, Zellos.  
  
(Ayeka starts to glow with power as Mihoshi shakes her finger at Zellos)  
  
MIHOSHI: That wasn't very nice, Mr. Host-man. You should appologise. And you should buy him a teddy bear, because they're cute and cuddly and adorable and...  
  
(Mihoshi is blasted thru the wall by an energy ball from Ayeka)  
  
ZELLOS: Thank you!  
  
AYEKA: I missed you.  
  
RYOKO: Like it's any surprise.  
  
AYEKA: WHAT WAS THAT????  
  
RYOKO: Oh, nothing.  
  
BZZZT!!  
  
PRETZ: I know this one!! I do!  
  
ZELLOS: Well?  
  
PRETZ: It's EXSTASY!  
  
ZELLOS: True, but not the word we're looking for.  
  
HEERO: Surprising.. he should have known that, since it's part of his series' title.  
  
ZELLOS: Oh shut up. Let's move on to Final Jeopardy. The category is... Housewear. That should be easy enough. And the Answer is... It washes dirty dishes. Thirty seconds.. go.  
  
(Music plays as the contestants write their answer.)  
  
LENALY: Oooh this is so exciting!  
  
TROWA: What is? What's happening?  
  
ROUGE: This is boring! They're all to stupid to get an answer right.  
  
WUFEI: The weak shouldn't answer!  
  
ROUGE: Well, that describes their mental strength.  
  
QUATRA: GUYS! Work together! You'll get the answer!  
  
ZELLOS: Ok, that's it. Security, escort him out of here.  
  
QUATRA: (being dragged away) I knew I couldn't help..... I knew it...  
  
ZELLOS: That being past, let's see your answers. Tenchi, we'll start with you because you're the least outlandish.  
  
TENCHI: Aww...  
  
ZELLOS: You wrote.. "A Hairdryer." That is incorrect. Let's see what you wagered.. Ayeka and Ryoko... I'm sorry, but we don't take people for wagers.  
  
TENCHI: PLEASE?????  
  
ZELLOS: Pretz, what was your answer?  
  
PRETZ: (chuckles to himself) I got the answer right.  
  
ZELLOS: I doubt it. You put... the Iron Wing? What the hell is... nvm. And you wagered... I don't think we can take that.  
  
PRETZ: What? You can't take the crystal out of Lenaly's butt either?  
  
(Out of nowhere, Meed appears in front of Pretz)  
  
MEED: You do know I live there, right?  
  
PRETZ: Couldn't afford a nice warm dumpster?  
  
ROUGE: Come on! Just let him be right already!  
  
WASHU: But he's not right.  
  
HEERO: Anyone else notice that Washu and Rouge have the same voice?  
  
ZELLOS: You do point out the obvious in everything, don't you? Well, let's see your answer.  
  
HEERO: I decided to let you have a moment's peace and answered correctly.  
  
ZELLOS: You are an evil little man. And your answer is... Stop my heart... your answer is Dish Washer. That is correct. And you wagered... Zellos and Xellos share the same bed... I knew it wouldn't last.  
  
HEERO: I only said a moment.  
  
ZELLOS: Well, at least we can be glad that the show's over now. So, untill next thime....  
  
(The stage shakes as Wing Zero walks into the scene)  
  
QUATRA: (Laughing meniacaly inside Zero) Must destroy you all!  
  
HEERO: I think it's time for me to leave.  
  
(Heero runs off stage, followed by Tenchi and Zellos. The cheerleader seats also clear except for Trowa)  
  
TROWA: What am I doing here? Where did everyone go? What is that thing?  
  
(Zero points it's Twin Buster Rifles at the stands and pulls the trigger. The camera blurs into snow, then the Technical Difficulties Screen appears)  
  
END 


	2. Anime Celebrity Jeopardy My Version 2

Anime Celebrity Jeopardy  
  
ZELLOS: Welcome to another edition of Anime Celebrity Jeopardy! I'm Zellos, still filling in for Xellos, and we've got a pretty good panel of contestants tonight! First, we have from the G Gundam series, Psy Seiche!  
  
PSY: Hey bro!  
  
ZELLOS: Don't call me that.  
  
PSY: Sorry.  
  
VOICE FROM AUDIENCE: You can do it, Psy Seiche! (Camera to stands, show Chibodee, George, Argo, and Domon)  
  
GEORGE: Remember, you're doing it for the Shao-Lin Temple, mon-ami.  
  
CHIBODEE: Dude, I thought it was for getting his two monk friends out of jail.  
  
GEORGE: That too.  
  
ZELLOS: Next we have, from the popular series Sailor Moon, Serena!  
  
SERENA: Oh, WOW! I actually made it!  
  
VOICE FROM THE AUDIENCE: You go, Serena! (Camera shows Luna sitting in stands .)  
  
LUNA: You'd better win! Darrien's bail is pretty high!  
  
SERENA: Darrien... my love....  
  
ZELLOS: Gonna be one of those nights again...... Finally we have... oh no.... Heero Yuy.  
  
HEERO: Hello, Zellos. How's Xellos?  
  
ZELLOS: Uh... fine. Why?  
  
HEERO: No reason. I decided to bring Commander Noin today, mainly because she's not as annoying as everyone else.  
  
NOIN: That's right. The rest of the Wing cast are tards, except for Zechs... oh Zechs....  
  
HEERO: Snap out of it.  
  
NOIN: Sorry.  
  
HEERO: I had brough Sarah, but she got arrested last night.  
  
ZELLOS: Lemme guess.. everyone currently in jail was arrested last night durring a bar fight?  
  
HEERO: Yup. One that I started and convieniently ducked out of.  
  
NOIN: Sissy.  
  
HEERO: Blow me.  
  
NOIN: Never.  
  
ZELLOS: Well, I guess we'd better get on with this.. The categories are, My Gundam, Sailor Facts, Potpouri, Things That Blow Other Things Up, and Capitals. Psy Seiche, I like you best here, you go first.  
  
PSY: I'll go easy on ya, bros! I'll start with Capitals for 100.  
  
ZELLOS: And the answer is, "This capital starts YOUR name.  
  
(silence)  
  
ZELLOS: Oh god, don't do this tonight..  
  
BZZZT!!  
  
PSY: S!  
  
ZELLOS: How did you get that wrong??  
  
PSY: It's my last name. You didn't specify, bro.  
  
ZELLOS: Points for a technicality. And don't call me bro.  
  
PSY: Sorry.  
  
SERENA: Hey! I didn't get a chance!  
  
ZELLOS: Would you have gotten it right?  
  
SERENA: (folds her arms) No need to be rude about it.  
  
HEERO: Boy, tonight is gonna be fun.  
  
PSY: I didn't hear you giving any answers, bro.  
  
HEERO: My mission is to annoy the host, not answer anything.  
  
ZELLOS: Mission accomplished.  
  
HEERO: (evil grin) Not yet.  
  
ZELLOS: Let's move on. Psy Seiche, you select again.  
  
PSY: I'll take Sailor Facts for 500.  
  
ZELLOS: ... ok... the answer is, "This cat has a moon shape on her forehead."  
  
BZZZT!!!  
  
SERENA: It's Rio-Oki!  
  
ZELLOS: No, but I'm surprised that you know about Rio-Oki.  
  
SERENA: See? Us blondes don't just use our three brain cells for nothing.  
  
ZELLOS: Apparantly not.  
  
BZZZT!!  
  
HEERO: What does Zellos have tattooed on his ass?  
  
ZELLOS: Again no, and I have no tattoos on my ass.  
  
HEERO: That you know of.  
  
ZELLOS: Well, lets keep my ass safe and move on. Serena, it's your turn.  
  
SERENA: I'll take Potpouri for $300.  
  
:ZELLOS: The answer is.. They look like tanks but aren't.  
  
(Silence)  
  
ZELLOS: This time I'm not surprised. The question is What is an Irzats Tank, or Movie Tank.  
  
SERENA: How were we supposed to know that one??  
  
ZELLOS: You weren't. Just the writter bashing war movie makers.  
  
HEERO: I think he's right. Those tanks suck.  
  
PSY: Hey, bro, I think they're pretty good.  
  
EVERYONE: Shut up.  
  
ZELLOS: Moving on, and I shudder to say this, Heero, pick a category.  
  
HEERO: What's the point?  
  
ZELLOS: Just pick one, please?  
  
HEERO: Why?  
  
ZELLOS: So we can finish this game.  
  
HEERO: To what end?  
  
ZELLOS: Tell you what.. let's let someone from the audience pick this time. (Camera to audience, all of whom are reading the newspaper, a book, or otherwise not paying attention. Back to Zellos with a bead of sweat on his head) Um... let's just do the final round. The category is... Famous Villans, Bad Guys, Or Otherwise Anti-Good People. The answer is.. He lives down in hell, and will, god willing, get you all very soon and take you there.  
  
(Jeopardy music plays as contestants write the answers)  
  
ZELLOS: God may hate me for this, but Psy Seiche, we'll start with you.  
  
PSY: (Big smile) I think I got it wrong, bro!  
  
ZELLOS: Stop calling everyone bro. And your answer is.. Master Asia. Evil, but not evil enough. Your wager.. Is Gay. Given, but not an acceptable wager. You're disqualified.  
  
PSY: Least I knew I lost, bro!  
  
ZELLOS.. I will kill you if you say that again. Serena, you're answer is.. Darrian I love you, you'll be free soon. Not even close. Your wager was $30,000. Too bad.  
  
SERENA: Darrian.. I'm sorry I'm blonde.  
  
ZELLOS: Well, Heero, let's have it. And if it's something stupid, I'm going to go insane.  
  
HEERO: Get the straight jacket ready.  
  
ZELLOS: Your answer is.... A monkey sitting on a stool, eating a banana cream pie with his tale watching Planet of the Apes... Bye bye sanity.. (Zellos runs off stage screaming)  
  
HEERO: (Evil smile and victory sign) Mission... Accomplished. 


	3. Anime Celebrity Jeopardy My Version 3

HEERO: Welcome to another episode of Anime Celebrity Jeopardy. Zellos is out on insanity leave, so the writer asked if I could sub. (Writer's Inset: Actually, we threatened to lock him in a room alone with Relena for a year.) Naturally, I accepted quickly, as I've always wanted to host the show. I've been on it for so long, after all. So let's get right into it. PS: If you haven't noticed yet, that was sarcasm at it's worst. So, without further ado, here are today's contestants. From the Outlaw Star series, he is one half of Starwind and Hawkings Enterprise, please welcome Jim Hawkings.  
  
JIM: It's a pleasure to be here, Heero.  
  
HEERO: Maybe for you, kid. Who'd you decide to bring?  
  
JIM: Well, I was gonna bring Gene, but you know him. He was sleeping. So I brought Aisha Clan-Clan, and Melfina.  
  
MELFINA: It's a pleasure to sit in your cheering section, Jim.  
  
AISHA: Come on! Get on with the wrestling!  
  
HEERO: There's no wrestling on this show.  
  
AISHA: WHAT?? JIM!! YOU LIED!!  
  
JIM: (scratches his head, bead of sweat on his brow) Hehehe Sorry Aisha. It was the only way to get you to come.  
  
AISHA: You know I'm going to kill you after the show.  
  
HEERO: If he survives. Next we have from Pilot Candidate, Candidate Zero Enna.  
  
ZERO: Call me Rei.  
  
HEERO: Why?  
  
ZERO: Cause that's my nickname. Everyone calls me that.  
  
HEERO: They do?  
  
ZERO: Yeah. Don't you watch the series?  
  
HEERO: As a matter of fact, hell no.  
  
ZERO: Well they call me Rei. Trust me. They do. Promise.  
  
HEERO: Ok.. Who'd you schlep along today?  
  
ZERO: I decided to bring my repairer, Kizna Towryk.  
  
KIZNA: Nice to meet you all.  
  
AISHA: Oh, I love your ears!  
  
KIZNA: Why thank you! Yours are just DEVINE!  
  
AISHA: Oh, stop! You're just saying that cause it's true!  
  
HEERO: MOVING ON!! Our third guess is probably the best known anime hero ever. From the Robotech universe, once known as Vermilion One and Skull Leader, Rick Hunter!  
  
RICK: (messing with the buzzer) Fire! Fire! My weapons are jammed! Max, where are you?  
  
HEERO: ... um... And his guests are.. (squints toward the audience) Lynn Minmei, Roy Fokker, and Admiral Henry Gloval. Hey, waitasec... Fokker and Gloval died in that series!  
  
ROY: So? What's your point?  
  
GLOVAL: Do you know who you're talking to?  
  
Minmei: (stands and faces the camera) I'd like to thank you all for tuning in to see me cheer Rick Hunter on. As you, my beloved fans know, I've been on the TV before so.. OH!  
  
ROY: (pulling Minmei down into her seat) Not your show, hun.  
  
HEERO: Thanks, Roy. Now, on to categories. They are; Things Not To Do With Your Mecha, Reasons To Test Your Fold System Before Actually Using It, Your Goddess And You, The Galactic Leyline, and Swings. (looks at his card) Swings? They couldn't get a better category than Swings?  
  
MINMEI: (stands back up) Oh, I love swings. I especially love to swing with my dearest friends and fans. It's such a great feeling that you all love me. I love all of you too! Each and everyone of you!  
  
GLOVAL: I knew we should have left her in space.  
  
AISHA: She has enough space between her ears, I bet.  
  
JIM: Do you guys mind? we're trying to be serious here!  
  
RICK: (still messing with his buzzer) Hey! I don't know how to use this thing!  
  
ROY: Not the brightest bulb in the candelabra, is he?  
  
GLOVAL: He's your friend, not mine.  
  
ROY: Don't remind me.  
  
HEERO: If we may proceed. Zero, you won the game of Mother May I before the show, so you get to go first.  
  
ZERO: I said to call me Rei..  
  
HEERO: Did you know that you share the name of my Gundam?  
  
ZERO: Rei....  
  
HEERO: Ever think of changing your name to Chaz?  
  
ZERO: ...  
  
HEERO: I'm only kidding, Chaz. Pick a category.  
  
ZERO: Ok.... HEY!!  
  
HEERO: (snickers) Pick a category.  
  
ZERO: I'll take Reasons To Test Your Fold System Before Actually Using It.  
  
HEERO: And the answer is; You need to be sure you're well away from the earth or else this will happen.  
  
BZZZT!!!  
  
HEERO: Rick?  
  
RICK: I got it to work!!  
  
HEERO: Congratulations. You've just been promoted to Rocket Scientist.  
  
RICK: ALRIGHT!  
  
BZZZT!  
  
HEERO: Zero.  
  
ZERO: Rei.  
  
HEERO: Incorrect.  
  
ZERO: That wasn't the answer!  
  
HEERO: Or the question.  
  
ZERO: I'm gettin sick of you! Why you always messing with me?  
  
HEERO: It's my job.  
  
ZERO: ..... oh.  
  
BZZZT!!  
  
HEERO: Jim?  
  
JIM: What is we'll get sent to Pluto?  
  
HEERO: That is correct. Now, since Zero never specified how many points that would be worth, you don't get anything.  
  
JIM: DAMNIT!  
  
ZERO: Wait, I was supposed to say how much it was worth?  
  
HEERO: Yeah. Don't you ever watch this show?  
  
ZERO: We don't get cable at G.O.A.  
  
HEERO: Then I'm never going there.  
  
JIM: Ok, well I'll take the Galactic Leyline for a thousand.  
  
HEERO: And the answer is; This ship was lost a long time ago, taking an ancient library along with it.  
  
BZZZT!!  
  
RICK: It still works!  
  
HEERO: I'm happy for you.  
  
BZZZT!!  
  
HEERO: Zero?  
  
ZERO: How stupid do you think the contestants are?  
  
HEERO: Incorrect.  
  
ZERO: DAMNIT I was asking you a question!!  
  
HEERO: And the question was wrong.  
  
BZZZT!!  
  
HEERO: Jim?  
  
JIM: What is the Galactic Leyline?  
  
HEERO: Correct. Select again.  
  
JIM: I'll take Your Goddess And You.  
  
ZERO: I'm going to get this one right!  
  
HEERO: I doubt that. The answer is; This Goddess is sometimes referred to as the White Goddess.  
  
BZZZT!!  
  
HEERO: Rick, we know it still works. It was working before the show, it'll work after the show. It'll keep working for years to come if it's treated right. Now stop pushing the button.  
  
RICK: Ok... but what if I want to answer?  
  
HEERO: ... Well?  
  
RICK: What is the SDF-1?  
  
HEERO: Incorrect. A nice try though.  
  
BZZZT!!  
  
ZERO: What is the ERRN-LATIES?  
  
HEERO: How should I know? It's not from my series.  
  
ZERO: IT'S FROM MINE YOU IMBECILE!  
  
HEERO: And now you lose all points from that answer for insulting me.  
  
KIZNA: This host isn't very nice is he?  
  
MELFINA: No, he is not.  
  
ROY: I don't think he gives much of a damn.  
  
MINMEI: As you all know, I used to host my own talk show, and I had SO MANY people call in just to talk to me! Isn't that great??  
  
AISHA: Only in YOUR mind.  
  
HEERO: Well, I'm bored with this, so we'll just get on with the Final Jeopardy. The category is... Ancient Greece... I hate greasy food, so the final jeopardy will be for you to write down a number I might be thinking of from one to ten.  
  
(jeopardy theme plays as the contestants write furiously)  
  
HEERO: Ok, now, let's start with Jim. Jim, your answer is... 4. Close but no cigar. And you wagered 10,000. I'm sorry, that puts you at negative 9,000. We will be raiding your house later this week.  
  
JIM: DAMNIT!  
  
HEERO: Zero, what did you put?  
  
ZERO: Like it really matters to you. It'll be wrong anyway.  
  
HEERO: Usually, I like to draw it out though.  
  
ZERO: Well, too bad. I'm not telling you.  
  
HEERO: Fine, then I won't tell you the number. Rick, what did you put?  
  
RICK: Uh..... 6?  
  
HEERO: ... You're lucky. What did you wager? ... Um... no. We can't give you a Zentradi Battle Cruiser. If we had one, we'd have used it by now.  
  
RICK: Awww man...  
  
(the studio doors burst open and in storms a man smoking a cigarette)  
  
MAN: Candidate 88!! What the hell are you doing here??  
  
ZERO: (bead of sweat on his brow) Instructor Azuma!! I was just.. well, um...  
  
AZUMA: DAMNIT Get back to your class! Do I have to tell you everything???  
  
KIZNA: Guess I'd better leave too before...  
  
AZUMA: And you! Repairer Kizna! You're due in basic Ingred Maintenance in three! Get moving!!  
  
KIZNA: YES SIR! (both she and Zero run from the studio as fast as they can)  
  
HEERO: Well, I must say, I didn't expect that to happen. I'm NEVER gonna host this show again.  
  
END 


	4. Anime Celebrity Jeopardy My Version 4

**Anime Celebrity Jeopardy**

**Heero:** Ok, so I'm hosting again. Damn my need for ramen. Welcome to Anime Celebrity Jeopardy. It's been a while, (not long enough in my opinion) but we're back with a vengeance! And so, with no more fanfare than necessary, let's meet todays saps- ER! I mean, contestants. First up, we have from the hit series Ah! My Goddess! Belldandy!

**Bell:** Pleased to meet you. I am Belldandy, First class goddess, unlimited liscense. It's a pleasure to be here.

**Voice from crowd:** You can do it, Big sis! (camera turns and focuses on Urd, Skuld, and Keiichi)

**Skuld: **Yay! Big sis is gonna win!

**Keiichi: **That's not certain yet, Skuld.

**Skuld: **IT IS TOO! Big sis is gonna win for sure!

**Urd:** Would you two be quiet? I'm trying to watch my show. Get 'em, Silver Ninja Duo!

**Keiichi: **You do know you're on TV now, right?

**Heero:** Interesting family, you've got there. (Belldandy just smiles) Anyway, next we have the title character from his series, Naruto!

**Naruto:** I'm gonna win! Believe it!

(camera automatically turns to show Hinata and Sakura)

**Hinata: **Do your best, Naruto. I hope you win. (notices the camera on her and turns away, blushing)

**Sakura:** Just get it over with. It's not like you're gonna win anyway.

**Inner-Sakura:** Kick their asses Naruto! .#

**Heero:** Getting closer to normal there. Finally, we have another famous face. From Dragonball Z, here's Goku!

**Goku: **Wow I actually made it! So what am I gonna learn here?

**Heero:** Retard-itzu, but I think you're already at master level.

**Goku: **Alright!

(camera focuses on the audience again. We see adult Gohan, Krillin, and Vegetta)

**Gohan: **Kick their butts, Dad! First round KO!

**Vegetta:** Lets get this over with, Kakurat.

**Krillin:** You know we've got your back, Goku.

**Heero: **Maybe this won't be so bad after all. Now for the categories. We've got Kunk-Fu Universe, Angels and Demons, Jutsu and You, Double Intender, and Duck or Else… or else what? Glad to see the quality of categories hasn't changed. Alright, I believe in ladies first. Belldandy, pick a category.

**Bell:** Oh! Um… I don't want to hurt the other categories' feelings. Mister Keiichi, which one should I pick?

**Keiichi:** Why are you asking me?

**Heero: **The FU-BEEEP! Just pick one!

**Bell:** Oh dear! I'm sorry I upset you! Um… How about Duck or Else for 100 points?

**Heero:** It's dollars, not points. The answer is, "Duck!"

**Naruto: **… What kind of dumb answ-

(three mallets swing suddenly down at the contestants. Bell and Goku duck in time, but Naruto takes his to the face, leaving a round red mark)

**Heero:** (laughing) Finally! A category I like! Bell and Goku both get $100 for ducking in time. Naruto didn't, so he loses $100.

**Naruto:** Not cool bro.

**Sakura: **You idiot!

**Inner-Sakura:** Nice shot! Boom! Right to the face!

**Hinata: **(meekly) A-are you alright, Naruto?

**Skuld:** Big sis! Are you okay? Grrr! Nobody swings a hammer at my big sister! (pulls out a bomb)

**Keiichi:** (grabs Skuld's arm and stops her from throwing said bomb) Skuld! Now is not a good time to start throwing explosives around!

**Krillin: ** What's with that kid's anger level?

**Skuld:** I'M NOT A KID!

**Vegetta:** (looks at Skuld with a scanner) … It's over 9000!

**Heero:** And who didn't see THAT line coming? Anyway. Bell, pick again.

**Bell:** Um… They're all so good… I don't want the others to feel left out…

**Urd: **Bell, dear, it's a game show. Categories don't have feelings to hurt.

**Bell: **But…

**Heero: **(sighs) Goku, how about you take a shot?

**Goku: **KaaaaaAAAAAAA-

**Heero: **NO! Pick a catrgory, you idiot!

**Goku:** Huh? You mean no fighting?

**Heero:** …Naruto?

**Naruto:** I'll pick a good one. Duck or Else for $200!

**Heero:** Ok… The answer is, "DUCK!"

**Naruto: **I'm ready this ti-

(Bell and Goku both duck in time again, but Naruto takes another face full of mallet)

**Skuld: **Ooooh! Stop swinging hammers at my big sister!

**Gohan:** Where're those coming from anyway?

**Sakura:** You'll never be hokage with reflexes like that! Come on!

**Inner-Sakura:** BOOM! Another headshot!

**Heero: **Another $200 to Bell and Goku. Naruto loses $200, bringing him down to -$300.

**Naruto:** (eyebrow twitches)

**Heero: **Moving on, Goku, pick our next topic….

**Goku:** SPIRIT BOOOOOOO-

**Heero: **Dammit! No fighting!

**Goku: **But how else am I gonna win the Grand Tournament?

**Heero:** You know what, I'll pick a category. Angels and Demons for $500. "This demon continually but ineffectually harasses a certain goddess."

(silence)

**Heero:** Oh come on! Bell you should know this one!

**Bell: **Oh! I'm so sorry! I'll try to do better.

**Heero:** …So why don't you answer?

**Bell:** I thought I had lost my turn.

**Heero:** (bangs head on his podium) Ugh! It's not as fun from this side of the stage!

BZZT!

**Goku:** Hey! I found a button!

**Heero:** Swell. You just lost $500.

**Goku:** Aww man!

BZZT!

**Naruto: **Is it Gaaru?

**Heero: **No.

**Naruto: **Damnit!

(silence then timer sounds)

**Heero:** I was looking for Mara, by the way.

**Bell:** I knew that was the answer.

**Heero:** Then why didn't you answer?

**Bell: **I'm sorry!

**Heero: **Ok screw it. Final Jeopardy Time. Category is… Duck or Else? Why does that keep getting picked? Fine whatever. "Duck."

(Bell and Goku duck)

**Naruto:** (makes a fast and complex hand gesture) Secret Defense Jutsu! Hammer Smasher!

(the mallet breaks off and flies at the audience, who all duck except Urd, resulting in her getting a face full of mallet and a red mark)

**Urd:** You little… I DUMMON LIGHTNING! (shocks Naruto)

**Skuld:** I SAID STOP SWINGING HAMMERS AT MY BIG SIS! SKULD BOMB! (thros a bomb at the stage that destroys the category board, causing everyone to duck for cover)

**Heero:** (waits for dust to clear then stands back up) Well, guess that ends the show. No topic board, no third contestant, what else can go wrong?

(a tennis ball-like pod crashes thru the celing and Freiza emerges)

**Freiza:** Goku! I've come to kill you! And this time I'll win! (Goku and Freiza fight and leave the studio, with Vegetta and Krillin following)

**Heero:** I had to ask. I wish this show had never happened.

**Bell:** You poor man! Let Fortune Smile Upon You! (glows brightly, and Heero is suddenly standing back at the podium, with the studio looking exactly as it did when the show started and everyone waiting)

**Heero:** (looks around surprised) … DAMNIT!

End!


End file.
